i lost my bank card in a frazzled state on a recce last weekend. i thought i was having a lovely relaxing time. hindsight eye roll. hindeye sight roll. rollhind eye sight. the fallout was that my website subscription bounced because of card cancellation and i couldn't update my blog amongst other financial complications. it was most likely a blessing of sorts as i've not had a minute since the walk started on sunday. actually, make that february. it's been mad.

it's 6am and i'm scribbling furiously into my barely used notebook. i wasn't able to take notes. i wasn't able to take a **** it seems. it's move and keep up since dot. i'm always last and way behind. when i finally catch up when the group are stationary it's time to move again.

i found it enraging. in my mind i was ripping off heads and chewing on them. two weeks of this? i just wanted to scream at these unsuspecting walkers who kept walking on ahead. walking. can you believe it? going at their pace. on a walk. enjoying their experience. outrageous. i was ogresque inwardly. it came across as a mild crank. or so i think.

i carried 5 kilos of fruit for everybody in the audience. i was kindly sponsored with fruit and water by my local supervalu and i thought it a lovely idea to bring fruit for the group. forgetting that i wasn't meeting the majority of walkers til drogheda. 7 baby kilometres later,  having taken my fleece on and off about 16 thousand times (FLEECE IN MAY), by 11 o clock i was spent. i'd already given up on seeing stackallen and was questioning my ability to make a go of the whole project. and it just got worse.

my mood nosedived after a quick break at oldbridge, (which i'm ashamed to say i didn't know existed). there was no way of keeping up with the group and filming. i was rushing past lush beauty and feeling sick to the pit of my stomach for missing it. i couldn't speak up. i didn't want to impinge on people's time-out. i was trapped.

something shifted around slane. i let go a little. i simply can't capture everything. nor do i want to. (lie) i would make it to the finish line. i started to relax a little. breakthrough de jour was when munich hung back from the rest of the group and i could indulge a little by shooting him in this magnificent setting without feeling too rushed. he's happy to pause for me. it was glorious. and that's too small a word.



Siún O Connor