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SIÚN 1- ANXIETY DISORDER 0

yesterday was supposed to be blog day but it wasn't a very blog friendly day. i woke up with just eleven days left of my fundit campaign, feeling like my target was interstellar and the babadook had taken up permanent reidency in my head. he'd gone as far as to change his address. the cheek. i was struggling to see why i had taken on this project in the first place. of course it was going to fail. now get into bed and ni niiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

all of my astute readers will have noted the past tense in my ramblings. today i feel unbeatable. the bursting sunshine may be playing a part. i also hosted book club last night and my homemade pesto went down a treat. this morning i'm a new woman. one milimetre thick but i'm going to run with this feeling and see how far i get. 

must keep asking for help. this is the hardest part. the shame of asking for help slows me to a halt. why should anyone support me in what i'm doing? who do i think i am? get a real job and keep quiet. thank you babadook.

i watched amanda palmer's TED talk about asking, thanks to the google lords of suggestion. she's deadly and i'm going to borrow some of her reassuring ideas for the forseeable. shaking off the shame. the support i'm getting really is astounding. people i haven't seen in years have pledged their money. truly so kind. it propels me.

for those who were so cruelly starved of the promise of more information on my route, on day two we walk from slane to bective via navan. along the boyne for most. this will be a delightful day. i'm gonna get to stay in my own bed too. and it won't matter if the babadook hasn't moved out as i'll be so physically spent i'll be untouchable. 

Siún O Connor