it's been ten days since my last entry. rude. probably safe to say i wasn't back really. i was pretending to be back because i felt i should have been back and then i flapped around for a week in a flappy fog because i wasn't ready to be back at all, which is why i wasn't back in the first place. part and parcel.

but all is not lost.

i met someone.


and he's amazing. he's dependable. he's local. he's fattt. (penchant). and he's in my bed. 

he is my panasonic ag dvx200 and he really is in my bed. i've been up since 5am like it's new shoes. my friend dan found him on adverts. i have always defered to dan for all things technical. he shot my last film and he is great. but dan has been super busy of late and i was really feeling out on my own. which i am. so this is good for me. no hand to hold. until that is, panasonic ag dvx200. i found a chunky little hand. i wasn't planning on getting a second hand camera in the slightest as i was scared it would bring with it unecessary anxieties. but this guy was just too fat to let slip through my fingers. 

reader, i married him.

he's a little heavier than i had anticipated. i'm not gonna lie. but i just have to be careful here. which is the way i should be thinking anyway. i've taken a leap and i'm thinking we're gonna be great.

those closest to me have been worried. they say i'm not looking after myself. which i'm not if i'm honest. i keep pushing instead of listening to my body's limitations. it's from years of pushing against my mind. i think. my sister morag cried, which gave me a fright. yesterday i bought siberian ginseng, vitamin b complex and glucosamine sachets. and this weekend i'm planning. promise. i work best when heavily structured. i need this little body to make this little film. i'm not he-man. must remember.

day nine we walk from banagher to portumna. meeting the west will be special as it simply always is.

Siún O Connor