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KABOOM

it's 04:30am. i just woke up from a nightmare. i was doing my weekly shopping with my daughter AND the dog. this is enough to have one wake in a cold sweat but there's more. we are browsing and out for hours flitting from shop to shop. (still not entirely sure how you convey hours in a dream but nonetheless). i finally make it home and my little sister is in my kitchen. unusual. she has this unrecognisable expression on her face and i feel a fluttering of anxiety. i'm unpacking my provisions when she asks me where my daughter is. and then the tidal wave. it dawns on me that i'd forgotten her. somewhere along the route i'd simply forgotten all about her and carried on shopping. and i'm wracking my brains trying to remember where i saw her last (i think we were in dealz), but i'm panicking because i'm so confounded as to how this happened and i run upstairs to where she is (small mericies, thank you dream), and she's so upset and we embrace and i'm inconsolable. she's sobbing and looking up into my eyes, searching for solace and all i can say is i'm sorry.

this is what success feels like. i've reached my target and i'm feeling guilty. i realise now that i have to work at accepting success. it simply doesn't come naturally. i know i'm overwhelmed. this is gonna be perculating for a while i'd wager.

day seven we walk from tullamore to ferbane. i'm lucky i'm over the line because i've no idea what awaits me here and have nothing to tantalise my religious reader. not so banal canal?

my baby film has been welcomed by so many into the world. i'm just going to lie here in the dark shaking my head in disbelief for a while. this is not so unusal for me. what IS unusual is the little smile.

Siún O Connor